Ephesians 5:1-14 (ESV)
Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. 2 And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. 3 But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints. 4 Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving. 5 For you may be sure of this, that everyone who is sexually immoral or impure, or who is covetous (that is, an idolater), has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. 6 Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. 7 Therefore do not become partners with them; 8 for at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light 9 (for the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true), 10 and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord. 11 Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them. 12 For it is shameful even to speak of the things that they do in secret. 13 But when anything is exposed by the light, it becomes visible, 14 for anything that becomes visible is light.
We talk about it in en fuego all the time - if you know your identity, you're less willing to compromise WHO YOU ARE to be WHO THEY WANT YOU TO BE. As adults, we still do battle the feeling of wanting to fit in, but there's also the battle of being jaded towards God's people. Life is hard, and if we're not careful, those struggles can give us the false feeling of "strengthening" us when the reality is, at times, we've never properly dealt with the grief, pain, trauma and confusion those events cause us. We give it God, as we should, but we fall short of doing the work on our end to ensure spiritual maturity.
A brother wronged is more unyielding than a fortified city; disputes are like the barred gates of a citadel.
Church hurt should feel like a pain to the WHOLE body. What sense would it make to inflict pain on oneself? Suffering draws us closer to Jesus but self Inflicted suffering is suicide to the body.
In my past, I sought to hurt myself because I felt I deserved it. When I committed to Christ, I saw his command to take care of ourself. If our body is His temple, and the church is called one-body, what sense does it make to inflict pain within the body?
People feel vulnerable at church. The Devil wants to use that vulnerability to lead to isolation. You have to fight that. Know your weaknesses and understand his games
Come expecting His presence, not an experience. Come expecting community, and prepared for His people.
We feel everything has to be just right to encounter His presence, when He just wants our attention.
The culture of a church is enioyed by all but built through interpersonal connections
It's up to us to celebrate each other's success, greive a loss .... if you call The Chapel KC home, you should never feel isolated
Accountability is personal and we don't like that!
Our flesh wants to fight accountability because it knows that's what makes us better - in relationships, at work, at home, and especially at church.
1 Corinthians 5:12 (NIV)
What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside?
Proverbs 19:11 NIV
A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense.
Devils not welcome inside these walls, but that doesn't mean he won't affect your attitude coming in
2 Corinthians 6:3-4 (CSB)
3 We are not giving anyone an occasion for offense, so that the ministry will not be blamed.
As you travel in life, the safety of you, anyone in the car with you (family) and others on the road is predicted by your knowledge of the laws (scirpture), the laws of the place you're currently traveling in (culture) and awareness of your blind spots at all times.
People drive 75 but the law states its 55. You can follow culture and speed with the flow of traffic, but aren't you risking the safety of yourself, people in your car and those on the road around you? In the same way, even if you're traveling the speed limit, unawareness of your blind spots isn't a law, pre se, but it's necessary to reaching your destination safely - and without collateral damage.
There's a stark difference between church hurt and hurt feelings - we have to draw the line
Taking offense is a precursor to losing love
Hate and anger both involve the absence of love.
Cain and Able - Genesis 4:1-6
Ephesians 4:25-27 (CSB)
25 Therefore, putting away lying, speak the truth, each one to his neighbor, because we are members of one another. 26 Be angry and do not sin. Don’t let the sun go down on your anger, 27 and don’t give the devil an opportunity.
Ask the Holy Spirit for self-control, a sound mind, and a calm, forgiving attitude. Ask God to reveal if there’s any part of the anger you can own, or if there’s any action you need to take.
If you get angry with someone, the same day of the offense should be the same day of forgiveness. Don’t wait until tomorrow to extend the grace you can give today.
Matthew 5:23-24 TLV
Therefore if you are presenting your offering upon the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you,  leave your offering there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering.
What happens to our brain when we get angry?
From the moment we get angry, our brain reacts by firing up our amygdala, which is the fight-or-flight part of the brain. From there, the body starts releasing stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. This shuts down the more rational prefrontal cortex, meaning that we aren’t thinking as clearly when we’re angry.
When youve been hurt, and you're convinced you're right, your emotions, namely anger, act like a hype man - I can't believe they said that!
2 Corinthians 2:5-11 (NIV)
5 If anyone has caused grief, he has not so much grieved me as he has grieved all of you to some extent—not to put it too severely. 6 The punishment inflicted on him by the majority is sufficient. 7 Now instead, you ought to forgive and comfort him, so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. 8 I urge you, therefore, to reaffirm your love for him. 9 Another reason I wrote you was to see if you would stand the test and be obedient in everything. 10 Anyone you forgive, I also forgive. And what I have forgiven—if there was anything to forgive—I have forgiven in the sight of Christ for your sake, 11 in order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes.
Love should lead all our interactions
Philippians 2:1-3 NIV
Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion,  then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind.  Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves,
Proverbs 19:11 NIV
A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense.
Hurt people hurt people. And the church is a place for hurt people... but within our community of believers, spiritual maturity should not only drive how we treat and receive people.
Church hurt is personal because it's on you to overcome
Mark 2:17 MSG
Jesus, overhearing, shot back, “Who needs a doctor: the healthy or the sick? I’m here inviting the sin-sick, not the spiritually-fit.”
Romans 12:15 CSB
Rejoice with those who rejoice; weep with those who weep.
1 Corinthians 12:18-27 CSB
But as it is, God has arranged each one of the parts in the body just as he wanted.  And if they were all the same part, where would the body be?  As it is, there are many parts, but one body.  The eye cannot say to the hand, “I don’t need you!” Or again, the head can’t say to the feet, “I don’t need you!”  On the contrary, those parts of the body that are weaker are indispensable.  And those parts of the body that we consider less honorable, we clothe these with greater honor, and our unrespectable parts are treated with greater respect,  which our respectable parts do not need. Instead, God has put the body together, giving greater honor to the less honorable,  so that there would be no division in the body, but that the members would have the same concern for each other.  So if one member suffers, all the members suffer with it; if one member is honored, all the members rejoice with it.  Now you are the body of Christ, and individual members of it.
Ephesians 5:25-33 CSB
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her  to make her holy, cleansing her with the washing of water by the word.  He did this to present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or anything like that, but holy and blameless.  In the same way, husbands are to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.  For no one ever hates his own flesh but provides and cares for it, just as Christ does for the church,  since we are members of his body.  For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.  This mystery is profound, but I am talking about Christ and the church.  To sum up, each one of you is to love his wife as himself, and the wife is to respect her husband.
Accountability is Necessary and Leads to Maturity
Ephesians 2:21-22 CSB
In him the whole building, being put together, grows into a holy temple in the Lord.  In him you are also being built together for God’s dwelling in the Spirit.
Ephesians 4:15-16 CSB
But speaking the truth in love, let us grow in every way into him who is the head — Christ.  From him the whole body, fitted and knit together by every supporting ligament, promotes the growth of the body for building itself up in love by the proper working of each individual part.
1 John 4:20-21 CSB
If anyone says, “I love God,” and yet hates his brother or sister, he is a liar. For the person who does not love his brother or sister whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen.  And we have this command from him: The one who loves God must also love his brother and sister.
Can lt allow church hurt to lead to alienation or isolation - we're all a part of the body